Sharing another response ‘from the field’ (aka my social media platforms) which generated good responses and shares. I compiled this list based on my life-long experience in dealing with individuals on the unhealthy narcissism spectrum.

From the lower-level vulnerable narcissists, to the vindictive Machiavellian sociopath types, I’ve seen they all exhibit the following 5 core traits. I’ve tried to outline advice too in how they react early-on in a relationship so you can exit with the least damage to your psyche as possible.

1. It is Never Their Fault

They absolutely cannot take any form of criticism. Their egos are so fragile and they live constantly in fear of not being perfect and god-like so any hint of wrong-doing you express is deflected. Blame the situation on their childhood or the weather, anything and everything, but almost always is your fault.

Advice: In times you do get an apology, watch for how it’s a mechanism to move on or feign feeling bad for how you misunderstood. Ask them after the apology, “just so we’re on the same page, what are you sorry about exactly?” If they can’t explain how their actions made you feel, you’ve most certainly got a narc on your hands. Which leads me to the 2nd point……

 2. Void of Emotional Empathy

Narcissists are unable to be emotionally empathetic. They may understand empathy from a cognitive sense (it’s how they mirror people to get what they want), but they absolutely can NOT connect deeply.

Advice: When talking about a difficult, sad, or vulnerable topic, you will notice any of the following. All is in attempt to minimize your experience and exert their superiority.

• listen to respond and share some similar situation (one-upping)
• immediately turn to give you advice without fully knowing your story
• tell you that you probably misunderstand/don’t have the facts/overreacting.

The key here is that you will habitually feel unheard and often confused after conversations. The topic of your conversation was never fully addressed or resolved. You can also pick up how they appear anxious or nervous during the conversations where you share your experience.

3. The Narcissistic Grin

This one can be hard to spot but absolutely critical to understanding if you are with a narcissist. You may first notice the grin when they are talking about the hardships of others – it will be a smirk of underlying contempt and superiority. If you’re connected to your feelings, you may feel a sense of terror or disgust.

Advice: Over time that grin will be used on you. You’ll catch it when they’ve gotten you to believe one of their lies or illusions. The pursing of the right upper lip paired with their eyes popping out of the socket or slightly closed is the dead giveaway. At the first sign of this contemptuous grin, accept you’re dealing with a narcissist and work to remove yourself from their presence.

4. Masters of Confusion

They are people of the lie. They live their lives in delusion and by covert lies which is their greatest weapon is to keep you confused and off-balance. Make no mistake, this is intentional. Their goal is to break you down so they are able to have complete control and power over you and impose their will. They are not after seeking compromise, they’re after control.

A few examples of how you’ll see this show up:

• Providing half-truths & lying by omission – saying later “you didn’t ask!” as if you’re responsible for prying information out of them
• Their elusive or overly-complicated language so you feel exhausted to the point it’s easier to ‘fill in the blanks’ 
• Conversations are often diverted to loosely-related topics with hypotheticals when they’re losing their grip
• Their MO is inconsistency. From small things like changing the timing of a meet-up or spontaneously deciding to change the activity. Or retelling a story and providing more details, why they didn’t share this information in the first place?

Advice: watch for how their actions match their words ONLY if it is for their benefit. They want to spend lots of time with you, don’t you see I’m committed? No, when you realize the conversations have nothing to do with you, your day, your perceptions. They just want someone to talk AT not with. To exude their superior intelligence and ideas in order to feign their loneliness.

5. Temper Tantrums (like a 5–12 yr old range)

If they feel out of control because you’re not doing, saying, being the fantasy of their imagination expected you to be, they’ll act out passively or aggressively, like a child. Somewhere between a screaming 5yr old a passive aggressive teenager. You’ll either be having to calm them down or pulling information out of them for their poor behavior.

Advice: if you want to face the tantrums head-on, you’ve gotta prepare. Get emotionally detached from the subject and image you are talking to and explaining proper behavior to a child. You’ll be amazed at how well it actually works. And then you need to plan your exit strategy!

Sending much <3 your way