Field Report: The Partner a Narcissist Never Forgets
Field Report = Sharing my top posts from the field (aka social media platforms)
My input to this question has generated 60,000+ views and counting in less than a month. I find it particularly intriguing the simplicity of my answer, just 5 sentences long, has generated such buzz but I’m reminded that ‘making the complex simple’ is what provides the most impact.
Yes. a partner who had much to give (looks, money, kindness, services, etc.) will always be someone the narcissist never forgets and subsequently will continue to try and impose their will on others for power and control. Ultimately, it’s the goodness in people with big hearts that narcissists envy as they are unwilling to accept their badness. Healthy people recognize their own humanity and those of others.
My advice was to keep strong boundaries and weather the storm as it will get worse before it gets better. Stopping to remind yourself that what they are saying is a lie. Because they are people of the lie and author M. Scott Peck described this phenomenon in his book People of The Lie.
“While they seem to lack any motivation to be good, they intensely desire to appear good. Their “goodness” is all on a level of pretense. It is, in effect, a lie. That is why they are the “people of the lie”. – M. Scott Peck
The key to overcoming is radical self-awareness. Knowing how you’ve been condition in your past to accept manipulative and abusive behavior and learning to trust yourself and your truth is where the breakthroughs happen.
Gaining self-awareness & defining boundaries are a process. We all live and we learn. So often I talk with people on how hard it has been to forgive ourselves for the maltreatment we endured and this is why so many survivors continue to struggle for years because we aren’t giving ourselves the compassion we give to others.
Give yourself the compassion you give to others – Me (Jessica Lewis)
What’s helped me along the way is:
- Knowing and believing I am loved for exactly who I am & how God made me
- Getting comfortable sitting with painful feelings
- Being curious to get to the root issues (almost always a limiting belief holding you back)
- Reframing negative self-talk with affirmations and real-truths about ourselves
- Finding the message & eventual purpose behind our sufferings so we can preserve to grow in character and hope
Sending much love your way <3
You’ve got a story to tell. Your experience didn’t break you, it gave you the wisdom to overcome.